Trailer Trash: GI Joe Retaliation

I only saw the first GI Joe because I heard so many reviews saying "Its so bad its good" or "Its the next best MST3K movie". Actually, it was a very milquetoast action movie, and nowhere near as outrageously stupid or as "in your face" as something like the Transformers series. The original's fundamental flaw in my opinion was just how it felt like it was poorly put together by an amateur novice, and I think a lot of that blame rests on the shoulders of the first film's director. It was a very typical of a mid August action movie, and I can't really pick on it any more than that because I can't really get mad at a movie when the project is already so defective from the start (ex: Twilight).

However, I guess it made enough money to warrant a sequel, but the producers wanted to protect their investment. Given that they knew they were going up against a summer destined to be ruled by "The Dark Knight Rises" they brought out the syringes of Adrenaline and Testosterone and pumped this movie up!



Dwayne Johnson is leading this time, and thank God. Dwayne has a more experience with action cheese and better screen presence. By which I mean he takes up most of the screen. It makes you wonder how the Cobra troops were able to miss a target that big when he was sitting completely still in the water. The power of badassery! Thats how!

Jonathan Pryce apparently didn't get enough of playing the villain in "Tomorrow Never Dies" because hes back at it again.

We've got an "A-Team" kind of set up (they should thankful this wasn't released last summer!) and these build up knowing that its our small little band versus the world. It was shocking to see a break-out character like Snake Eyes being incarcerated. But then the Cobra flag is raised at the White House and banners form the Cobra eyes. The impact of that hit like a punch to the gut. Its a sequence that is simple, iconic and powerful, and sets a stage of hopelessness for this "Empire Strikes Back" vibe they have going on.

There are plenty of unique action scenes on display. My favorite is the mountainside sword fight.

Bruce Willis' apperance at the end is akin to Josh Brolin's apperance at the end of the Men in Black 3 Trailer. If the action was the icing on the cake, Bruce is the sprinkles on top.

Trailer Grade: B+

Trailer Trash: Men In Black 3

Ah, Men in Black.  I loved it as a kid and I was actually surprised how much I enjoyed it as an adult. I'd argue that it with the possible exception of "Jurassic Park" that this was the most creative and enjoyable "popcorn" movie of the 1990s.


When I was younger, I was certain this would become the next "Adventure Trilogy" series in the vein of Indiana Jones. Sadly, such was not the case because Men In Black 2 was an abysmal disappointment, so I was surprised when I saw set photos for a third movie. After all it had been ten years since "2" and a decade is usually around the time a film franchise gets a reboot rather than a sequel.

As for the trailer itself, I think it shows us a bit too much. The fade to black/ fade in edit in trailers has become a big pet peeve of mine as it treats the audience like it doesn't have any attention span. "This image has been on screen for five seconds! Quick, cut to something new before they get bored!"

The "hook", and really all we need to establish in this trailer is the "save the future" plot and Josh Brolin as Young K. Incidentally, that is a brilliant casting choice and it sets up for some potential role reversal with J as the seen it all mentor and K as the new kid. Not the mention possibilities presented in the '60s setting. I guess the producers have been doing their homework by watching "Mad Men".

Bottom line, I think you could have cut thirty seconds worth of establishing shots, and put more attention on setting up the characters, the establishing the humorous tone that were the heart of the original rather than close up shots of gadgets. I suspect that the trailer is loaded with some many dramatic pauses to build this "mystery" and hide the fact that Tommy Lee Jones will likely have a smaller role. If it the trailer had shown more scenes of the two them together I think that it might have packed a bigger punch. But if Tommy's part is small like I suspect with an appearance at the beginning and the end with Brolin in the bulk of it in the middle, then you would just get people complaining about false advertising. 


Trailer Grade: B

Return to Oz (1985)

Starring Fairuza Balk, Nichol Williamson, Jean Marsh
Directed by Walter Murch
Fantasy
Rated PG: Some Frightening Images
Based on The Marvelous Land of Oz and Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum

The film opens to Dorothy Gale (Fairuza Balk) lying awake in bed staring up at the stars. We learn from Auntie Em and Uncle Henry's late night exposition that Dorothy hasn’t been able to sleep since the tornado from “The Wizard of Oz” and can’t stop talking about Oz, which no one believes really exists. They are also considering taking Dorothy to a clinic to receive electroshock therapy. What puzzles me is why Dorothy would be unable to sleep after triumphing over evil in another world, making such strong friendships and returning home safely. I would think she’d sleep more peacefully than ever after such a happy ending, but such is not the case. We also learn that the house hasn’t been rebuilt since the tornado, the harvest has been poor, money is tight, the chickens aren’t laying eggs and Uncle Henry has hurt his leg and can’t work. Dorothy and Aunt Em’s ride to the clinic only emphasizes the gloominess of the whole situation, as they travel through a vast, empty landscape capped by an imposing gray sky. Everything in the movie thus far has been filled with dread and apprehension, and it doesn’t get much better.

Arriving at the clinic, Dorothy talks to Doctor Worley (Nichol Williamson) about her trip to Oz with such astonishing detail you really have to wonder why no one has considered that she might have actually been there. Anyway, the doctor prescribes his shock therapy and turns Dorothy over to Nurse Wilson (Jean Marsh), who wears a long black dress with spiked shoulders and more buckles than Edward Scissorhands’s suit, just in case you didn’t realize you were supposed to be intimidated. Also during this time, we are shown things for the express purpose of seeing them as characters in Oz, such as when Dorothy receives a Jack-o-Lantern because “Its almost Halloween.” It would have been subtler if they said “This will become an anthropomorphic character later.”

Anyway, Dorthoy escapes with the help of a mysterious blonde girl, but gets washed away by a rushing river and finds herself back in Oz. However, this is not the Oz she remembers as Munchkinland is destroyed (even thought Dorothy’s house is still standing), the yellow brick road has fallen apart and the Emarald City has collapsed, and its citizens turned into stone by The Nome King (Nichol Williamson) and the evil witch Mombi (Jean Marsh) While evading Mombi’s soldiers, the cackling Wheelers, Dorothy gains some new friends to help her; the robot “Tick Tock”, the Scarecrow-esque Jack Pumpkinhead and the talking chicken Belinda. Eventually they are captured by Mombi and locked in a tower, but manage to make an easy escape thanks to a moose-headed flying sofa called “The Gump”. No, really.

They arrive at the land of the Nome King and plead for the city’s emeralds and the return of The Scarecrow (as he was the king of Oz apparently). The Nome King refuses to give them up and gives them a challenge. Presenting them with a room full of ornaments and the challenge to guess which one he turned the Scarecrow into. Eventually Dorothy guesses correctly, which enrages the Nome King as he turns into a giant stop motion monster threatening to devour them all, but is defeated by Belinda laying an egg in his mouth. No, really. All is restored and Dorothy learns that the blonde girl who helped her is in fact the rightful ruler of Oz, Ozma. Dorothy returns back to Kansas and for a more or less happy ending.

Everything about this movie is dull and dreary, even when we get to Oz there is no joy at all. There are no colorful landscapes, no charming characters and enjoyable elements of escapism to endure us to Oz or to their quest. Even in the end when all order is restored, there is a monotone reaction by everyone. Dorothy’s friends from the original “Wizard”; Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion, appear in a cameo when all is made right, but they don’t do or say anything, and serve only to remind us of how much more enjoyable the original was to us. The scale of the barren Kansas we see at the beginning is more spacious than the sets we see in Oz which seems limited to castles or caves and lacks the scale of how big Oz really is and resulting in a discomforting claustrophoic feeling. While there is some spectacular stop motion animation for the Nome King and his rock people as well as some good animatronics for Dorothy’s new friends, it just feels like the film is exploiting the talents of these artists and craftsman to do all the heavy lifting for a movie that doesn’t hold out any hope. It reminds me of what Tick Tock said at the beginning of the film; “I have always valued my lifelessness.” That sentence seems to sum it all up.

Final Score:

Two and a Half out of Five. Lukewarm.

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

Starring Colin Clive, Ernest Thesiger, Boris Karloff, Elsa Lanchester
Directed by James Whale
Horror

*Spoilers Ahead*

After a brief introduction involving the retelling of the events of “Frankenstein”, Mary Shelly (Elsa Lanchester) begins to tell her captive audience what happens next to the monster and his creator. From there the film continues straight from the previous left off (or where it should have), at the foot of the burned out wreck of the windmill. The villagers discover Doctor Frankenstein’s frail body and race him back to his manor for help. Once the crowds have left, the monster emerges from the rubble and roams the countryside once more. Frankenstein arrives at his manor were he is nursed back to health by his fiancée Elizabeth, who is played by Valerie Hobson, who is a brunette rather than the blonde Mae Clark from the original. I’ve heard of hair turning white from shock, but this is the first instance I’ve seen were someone’s hair has darkened after a fright. Also, the servants refer to Henry as the new Baron Frankenstein, which leads me to wonder what happened to Henry’s father, the original Baron, who we saw was just fine at the end of the first film. I guess they weren’t too concerned about sequel continuity back in those days.

Henry still suffering from shock, talking about whether or not he was destined to discover the secrets of life, but he is interrupted by the arrival of Doctor Septimus Pretorious (Ernest Thesiger). Pretorious’s entrance mirrors that of the monster from the previous, tall and looming in the doorway before cutting to a close up as the shadows literally cascade off of his sinister features. His face is astonishingly striking; a tasseled mop of pallid hair atop a brow of course creases with arched jet-black eyebrows matching up with his devilish pointed ears. His deeply cut crow’s feet lead like a creaky staircase from his hooded eyes to his bulging cheekbones. His hook of a nose seems to stretch his skin along his skull his thin mouth, which scowling appears to stretch out further than the dimensions of his face. Honestly, I cannot do his face justice through words; you must see it to believe it.

Doctor Pretorious talks to Doctor Frankenstein about his work and tempts and deceives Henry with the prospect of creating a race of monsters. Pretorious soon takes on the role of Mephistopheles, taking Frankenstein’s abomination of nature and taking it one step beyond, perverting the process for his own cause. It is interesting to see the two side by side. In the original Frankenstein was excited and captivated by his work, but with time saw the error of his ways, and while still fascinated by the results knew he had to stop the madness before it was too late. Pretorious conversely is wily and eccentric, but in his field of work remain cool and calculating, He has no one to act as a moral compass like Elizabeth was to Henry to prevent him from pushing certain boundaries, and openly mocks God for holding the powers of life and death. He shows utter contempt for human life altogether, going so far as to instruct his assistant to kill in order to retrieve the necessary body parts for their new monster rather than recycling parts from already dead bodies. So similar, and yet different, it reminds me of the two Terminators from “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”.

Meanwhile we return to the monster running through the forest seeking shelter from the villagers who continue to hunt him. He eventually finds refuge with a blind hermit who offers him food, teaches him to speak and tells him that it is bad to be alone. During this scene is when we get a better look at the monster and how he has changed since the first movie. Karloff’s face is considerably wider, I imagine the money he received from the last film allowed him to eat more, making him seem more inviting The black greasepaint in his makeup has also been diminished, his skin consisting of lighter tones. His hair is also no longer concealing his forehead and as a result looks more open and expressive like the face of a sad clown, further solidifying the monster’s position as a tragic hero. This is emphasized with the use of religious symbols that establish the monster as a persecuted Christ-like figure; being tied on a stake similar to a cross by the angry villagers and later feasting on bread and wine with the hermit. Sadly, his joy is short lived when hunters discover the monster in the hermits lodge and chase him away.

From there the monster stumbles upon Pretorious in a crypt. Pretorious deceives the monster about Frankenstein and uses him as a bargaining chip to force Frankenstein to continue to help him build a new monster, going so far as to have the monster kidnap Elizabeth and hold her hostage unless he complies. This leads into the climax of the film were we return to Frankenstein’s lab from the first movie as the two begin to build a mate for the monster. The procedure is far more complex and elaborate than before, but than again they are making a woman, of course it’d be more complicated (Zing!) Eventually we reveal The Bride (Elsa Lanchester, again) Aside of her iconic hair, her face is devoid of expression. She looks around the lab in shock, turning in her head in short sudden spasms like an insect. The monster lays eyes on her, his face light up as he says “Friend?” The Bride screams and recoils in terror. The monster is enraged and decides he is too good for this awful world, and grips the level that Pretorious says “will blow us all to atoms!” Good thing you put it within arms reach of anybody, I’m not entirely sure this guy isn’t a James Bond Villian. All seems lost but Elizabeth (somehow escaping her captivity) is about to rush in and rescue Henry as the laboratory explodes, taking the bride, the monster and Pretorious with it.

A few plot holes aside the film far surpasses its predecessor by miles. It has a greatly improved visual quality as technology has caught up so that there is better clarity in the picture allowing us to view subtler expressions. The sets are greater in number and in scale. The characters have been built up since the first film, we now care about them and can see them develop in ways that there wasn’t time for in the original, making us root for both Doctor Frankenstein and the monster against opposition, creating tension by pitting them against to an actual antagonist.

Final Score:

Five out of Five. Golden.