Trailer Trash: Thor, Captain America

Thor - May 6th

The first trailer for "Thor" showed Thor kicking ass and taking names before giving us his backstory about being exiled to Earth before cutting to action scenes in Asgard of Thor fighting monsters and it looked awesome!

This trailer, not so much.

Here we show more of Thor's arrival on Earth as opposed to before where Thor fighting soldiers was spliced with after the fact narration. Now that we can see things first hand, we're building up suspense, which is good.

What's bad, is the character of Darcy, and how whenever she opens her mouth, all that tension just deflates when she says stuff like, "What he was freakin' me out!" or "Oh this is going on Facebook!" Also, whenever she speaks the music comes to a halt, to let us know that the people whoever wrote the script thinks that line was funny.

Then we cut to the epic Lord of the Rings style action that I want to see, intercut with typical disaster movie footage of wrecking and running with "The Destroyer" rampaging through the city.

It seems the heads of marketing what this to blend  "epic action" with "contemporary and relatable" for wider appeal. Hey if you want to appeal to me, make Darcy the first victim of the Destroyer and I'll be there opening night.

Grade: Diminished Interest. I'll likely wait for the reviews to weigh in. It just feels so divided.

Captain America: The First Avenger - July 22nd

We are introduced to our underdog hero Steve Rogers, weak and frail, yet aspiring to greatness.

Personally I'm still a bit phased by the "Benjamin Button" technology used to put Chris Evans head on a scrawny body, but I should probably be grateful that at least they're showing some distinction in the Before and After of Steve Rogers unlike in the 70s and 90s Captain America movies were he was just as big and muscle bound before the super soldier program.

Despite the title "The First Avenger", I hoping the story won't be polluted with all manner of tie ins to other Marvel Films like "Iron Man 2" was. I'm a little nervous since we have a shot of a young Howard Stark, with the actor playing doing his best Robert Downey Jr. impression, and while that's a fun tip of the hat to other parts of the franchise, we've got enough going on here that we need to get too involved with sequel hooks already.

Other than that it looks like a fun, pulpy, two fisted, "stop Hitler's jetpack soldiers" adventure movie.

Grade: Elevated interest.

Megamind (2010)

Voices of Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, David Cross and Brad Pitt
Directed by Tom McGrath
Action/Comedy
Rated PG: Action Violence

The Story:

Megamind, the notorious blue skinned evil genius finally succeeds in defeating his archnemesis, the square jawed hero Metro Man, and now suffers an existential crisis about what to do with his life, inspiring him to create a new superhero to battle against.

My Thoughts:

Since there seems to be no diplomatic way of expressing this, I'll just say that I consider this movie to be better than “Despicable Me”. While the two films have an extremely similar story, "Megamind" is better structured.

I think the pivotal moment in reaching this decision comes at about the halfway point in both films. In “Despicable Me” Dr. Nefario, a mumbling old man who has so far been there solely for comic relief, suddenly gains lucidity in order to set up a very convenient obstacle when we really have no idea who he is in the first first. Conversely, Minion has been with Megamind since the very beginning and has been pressed with the mission to “watch out for him”, so when he thinks something is wrong with Megamind getting too involved in something outside of "The Big Plan", you can see his passion and determination in preventing it. Then followed with the loneliness when they truly are apart, making Minion’s return in the end all the stronger.

Also, this movie has an actual “world”, its built on archetypes sure, but that just shows that tropes are not bad as I can at least understand how this world works with its reversal of the classic Superman-Lois Lane-Lex Luthor dynamic. We see reactions to Megamind’s villainy, although things go back to normal after a while during his reigme this is likely due to Megamind’s pettiness being directed primarily at Metro Man and at causing mayhem. 

Getting back to judging the film on its own merits;

 I never know what to expect whenever I go into a Dreamworks Animated picture. The studio has made just as many movies that I've loved as I've hated or thought were only okay, so I didn't come into this film with high or low expectations which is something that is becoming rarer for me nowadays.

The movie starts off with the "Moments before my doom" scene were the protagonist talks about how he is about to die and then has a flashback to the proceeded events along with accompanying narration. This is starting to become a pet peeve of mine. The out of context image of a character we don't know about to die feels very exploitive and the direct narration towards the audience feels quite intrusive if not lazy. I understand that exposition is one of the most difficult challenges for a screenwriter, to have a voiceover infodump in the first third of a film only to never use or reference it again feels insulting to our intelligence.

I can't say I laughed much during the course of the movie, at best I got a handful of mild chuckles. Mispronouncing words; not funny, Code Obvivous; not funny, Obama Poster; its an overused gag now, The Marlon Brando impression; I get it, but its kind of annoying. The things that did get me going were things like Megamind and Minion wearing shower caps when neither of them have any hair, or Megamind in a giant robot suit playing with a car like a little kid. Subtle little sight gags like that, which were treated like the salt and pepper when they really should have been the bread and butter of the film.

The final battle between Megamind and the frightening homicidal man child "Tighten", is possibly the films greatest strength, causing mass destruction to the city and putting our leads in situations were we believe they could actually get hurt. There is also great back and forth use of deception with the hologram projection watch, which really engages the mind to pay strict attention. The movie ends with Megamind being proclaimed a hero by the city, for solving a problem he caused, and destroying half the city to do it. But hey, why worry about that when we can end on yet another Dreamworks Dance Number!!!

Final Score:

3 1/2 out 5. Respectable.

The Seven Per-Cent Solution (1976)

Starring Alan Arkin, Nicol Williamson, Robert Duvall, Laurence Olivier
Directed by Herbert Ross
Mystery/Adventure
Rated PG
Based on the novel by Nicolas Meyer


Warning: These reviews are highly opinion based and will contain spoilers.

Doctor Watson returns to find Sherlock Holmes on a cocaine binge, raving about his arch nemesis Professor Moriarty, whom Watson learns is a well to do professor who is frightened by Holmes persecution. Watson plots a scheme to lure Holmes into the care of Dr. Sigmund Freud in order to cure Holmes of his addictive obbession.

The first act is well written and well filmed with some hallucinogenic POV shots to show Holmes struggling withdrawl, but its also painfully slow. The acting is great, Alan Arkin as Sigmund Freud steals the show with every scene he’s in. You can tell a lot of care was given to make his character feel authentic and historically accurate. Unfortunately he gets more character development than Holmes and serves Watson’s role for the later half the movie, sadly robbing Robert Duvall a chance to shine. Its odd that Freud is the one who has the heroic final confrontation with the villain and saves the lady, rather than Holmes. While Holmes isn’t especially known for these "action hero" traits, it only highlights how this isn't a really a Sherlock Holmes story.

Speaking of qualities associated with Holmes, the first half of the movie is about his recovery, we don’t actually get any sort of “mystery” until the one-hour mark, which also happens to be halfway through the film! There isn’t much suspense because the villain is established fairly early on, and his role as the bad guy couldn’t be more obvious. 

Things pick up in the third act. The railway chase is exciting because of the determination and ingenuity of the characters, but the final confrontation is a bit anticlimactic. Holmes has a sword fight on top of a moving train, which sounds good on paper, but with a dated rear projection effect, it looks a bit goofy. Freud is the one to who stares down the bad guy in a short, bloodless showdown that while efficient and in keeping with character, isn’t terribly exciting for the modern viewer.

Then comes the second conclusion. Freud puts Holmes into a trance and learns that everything about Holmes' life is do to his discovery that his mother was sleeping around with his tutor ,Professor Moriarty. Then Holmes witnessed his father shoot his mother out of revenge. This is why Holmes pursued a field that would allow him to “punish the wicked”, and is also why he thinks of Moriarty as his nemesis and views women as “untrustworthy creatures”.

This reveal bothers me for a number of reasons. The first of which being that the incident molded Holmes' life to “punish the wicked”. It seems that in Hollywood, your entire life, especially your career choice is shaped by a single traumatic childhood incident. If you're a doctor in Hollywood, its because someone close to you died when you were young. Apparently no one goes into a field simply because they’re interested in it, or talented in a certain area of study. I always saw Holmes as someone who pursued criminology for the intellectual challenge since in his time it was still a developing field of science, rather than for the sake of justice. He has a keen mind, but he isn’t Frank Miller’s "Goddamn Batman". 


Then there’s Moriarty. If his affair with Mrs. Holmes was responsible for her death, why would he still be in London? Wouldn’t he be haunted by the memory of the incident assuming Holmes Senior didn’t try to hunt him down? Also wouldn’t have his reputation be ruined by the scandal of being involved in an extramarital affair and a homicide? If he really did get away from the scene scot free, he should have changed his name and left the country. 


Finally, and perhaps most irritating, Holmes distrust of women, rooted in his mother sleeping around. In this interpretation, Holmes seems to be distrusting of women as a whole. This is very much at odds with Holmes' nature: to observe and to never assume, and yet here he has a predisposition against half the population.

Bottom line, I like the way it is written with focus on character development as well as the depiction of historical figures such as Sigmund Freud as well as numerous references to other Holmes stories. I was not at all surprised to learn that this was adapted from a tribute novel because the pace lends itself better to a book than a motion picture. It is well researched, intelligently written and superbly acted, but the pace is glacial and the big reveal at the end unwound so much of the quality it had going for it.

Final Score: 
2 1/2 out of 5.

Trailer Trash: Super 8, The Smurfs and Conan

Welcome to a new segment called "Trailer Trash", were I'll be looking at trailers for upcoming attractions and giving my thoughts and grading how interested I am in seeing the full picture.


Super 8 - June 10th





I wasn’t too hyped up for “Super 8” when I saw the original teaser trailer which made it look like Cloverfield 2.0. This new trailer is a step up, introducing us a wide-eyed child protagonist (no name given) who, from the information we're given looks like he’s just lost his mother and has a rough relationship with his father. He has a close group of Goonies style friends and a budding young romance and a hobby of making movies. Then some mysterious stuff starts happening, fast paced images evoking suspense, horror, destruction, and intrigue are aided by the "impending wonder" music.


Steven Speilberg serves as producer and the movie feels like a project he would be involved in, the focus on children in the mid 1970s, their fascination with making movies, the "sight unseen" element with focus on people looking at "it",as well as the rocky relationship between father and son. Add to that the popular internet theory that aliens are somehow involved, and it feels like a loving homage to Speilberg's early work in the past brought to the present.


Grade: Interest Peaked.




The Smurfs- August 3rd

Looks like the marketers are following the same strategy as those of  “Alvin and the Chipmunks”, with animated creatures abusing our lead star. Neal Patrick Harris really needs to fire his agent. Being in “Beastly” was one thing, but this is just too much crap, even for him.

We follow that up with a sexual innuendo joke with Smurfette. You Know… For Kids!  Some dodging dangerous feet hijinks to give this movie some reason to be in 3D. Then we cut to the bad guy and his cat laughing before the music cuts off and he tells the cat that he’s overdoing the evil laugh, as if to look at the camera and say “See, we’re aware that our joke isn’t funny. 

Having the bad guy lampshade his own clichés came and went with Austin Powers, but at this point if you’re saying “We know this is cliché, but we’re going to reference it in an attempt to cover it up”,  that is just lazy.  We things up by saying “Smurf” in place of other words a couple of thing, and end with a gag were “Smart Smurf” gets thrown off a building screaming “Goodbye Blue World!”.

So in the span of less than two minutes you have a man being abused by creatures that he caused no harm, jokes that the film admits aren’t funny, and concludes someone diving off a rooftop to what is presumably their death. If I had to actually watch this movie, I’m pretty sure I’d be tempted to do the latter.

Grade: Avoid at all costs!

Conan The Barbarian - August 19th





Audio snippets mixed with faded images that barely establish anything and awkwardly stitched together with someone doing a terrible Don Lafontaine voice, (Sorry, but no one gets to say "In A World" other than the master)  This would be lousy even for a teaser, but this is a full minute trailer, throw us a bone or something! To quote Tom Servo, "Visuals for a movie? Who needs them!"


Grade: If the marketing department can't get excited about this movie, how can they expect me to be excited about it ?!

The Grace Card (2011)

Starring Michael Joiner, Michael Higgenbottom and Louis Gossett Jr.

Directed by David Evans

Drama

Rated PG-13: Violence, Some Thematic Elements

The film opens on a flashback to our protagonist, Bill “Mac” McDonald’s past, were we learn that a speeding car killed his son Tyler. We know his son’s name because he screams “Tyler!” after he bolts awake. Dreams are quite dangerous in the movies, aside of the risk of running into Freddy Kruger or Leonard DiCaprio in your subconscious, apparently having a nightmare generates enough adrenaline in your body to propel your torso at near lethal velocity the second you regain consciousness.

Well fifteen years later Mac is complete jerk, his morning conversation consisting of complaining how ethnics have moved into their neighborhood and yells at his living son Blake for being such a screw up and that Tyler never would have turned out like this. In fiction when your character is a jerk, it’s best to give them at least one redeeming trait so that we don’t completely detach from them. Mac is saddled with Dead Offspring Syndrome, so he gets a sympathy pass by association rather than by anything he does himself, as we see he’s a lousy husband and father, an outright racist, a bit of a sexist and a terrible police officer to boot.

We are then introduced to his new partner Sam Wright, whom the other police officers snidely call “Preacher”, due to his second job as a minister. Mac and Sam don’t get along, Sam getting the promotion to Sergeant over Mac, the latter convinced that the choice in candidates was due to race. Sam doesn’t really help matters by irritating his partner by signing verses from hymns during patrol. “A-MA-ZING G-RACE! Public domain we don’t have pay anyone! Hahaha.” We’ve already established that he’s the religious one of the duo so this is really just overkill.

The film also contains Louis Gossett Jr. as “Grandpa George”. Gossett is best known for his award winning roles such as Gunnery Sergeant Emil Foley in “An Officer and A Gentleman”, Fiddler in “Roots”, and as Calvin Bouchard in “Jaws 3-D” (the latter of which had him nominated for the Golden Raspberry, which is an award of sorts). Despite his name on the poster with our two leads, he doesn’t really “star” in the movie since he only shows up in three short scenes, only two of them with dialogue and are just used to advance the spiritual side of the movie and serve as wised old mentor for Sam. By the end he hardly seems worth the mention.

Home life for Sam and Mac is lacking in subtlety. The Wrights live in a warmly lit earth toned house with a family dinner, light hearted banter and conflicts that are quickly and easily resolved. Contrast with the McDonald’s, who sit their cramped claustrophobic dining space that’s parked right up against a wall, and is lit by only one small overhead light. Apparently they’re broken in spirit as well as shins, stumbling around, banging into furniture in the dark.

Things pick up later, while on patrol Mac shoots a burglar fleeing a scene, only to discover that the thief his just shot was his own son! DUN-DUN-DUN! Mac’s reaction is so over the top that I nearly ruptured a lung laughing so hard. It turns out I’m not the only one to have grievous harm done, as Blake has been shot in the kidney and needs an urgent replacement.

Mac’s character arc comes to a head as we reach his big conversion scene, were, with Sam’s help he gives his life over to God. Not much to say here, its par for the course as far as Christian films are concerned and I’d best leave it at that.

Hope arrives just in the nick of time as it is revealed that Sam is an eligible donor for Blake’s needs and volunteers immediately, though he does take the time to have a flashback to all the moments he’s shared with Mac, that we’ve already seen in some poor attempt at pathos.

During the operation, Sam’s daughter asks her mother how they know a kidney from a black man will work in a white boy. Mom replies that while we’re different on the outside, but on the inside we’re all the same. It’s true all right; permit me to demonstrate by vomiting up rainbows. As far as a film about race relations goes, this isn’t exactly “In the Heat of the Night”, heck, this movie doesn’t even begin to break a sweat.

We cut ahead six months later so that we don’t have to see any of the gradual change to the characters after such a shocking ordeal, though this may have been done intentional, so that none of the actors have to actually “act”. The conclusion is at Sam’s church, which is now packed to the brim with new members including the McDonald family who are all happy and smiling and everything seems A-Okay. Then things suddenly become tense when the man who killed Tyler walks into the church, and in front of the whole congregation asks Mac for forgiveness. Wow. No pressure. It’s the kind of ending that would seem ridiculous even if it were on a daytime soap opera. Well as you expect, Mac extends his “Grace Card” to the man, as well as a hand to shake before we cut to the credits.

Summation:

I know I’ll probably receive flack for coming down hard on a Christian film and for measuring by the same standards I would use for any mainsteam Hollywood film, especially given the theme of grace in this particular movie, but I can’t think of any reason why I should do otherwise. The problems I have with this film have nothing to do with its Christian message of forgiveness and mercy, both values that I can firmly attest to, but rather how the story is portrayed. When it all comes down this movie is intended to coddle viewers rather than convict them. The drama simplified for the sake of it evangelical sub culture target audience. The race relation element of the film in particular fails to deliver because it is incapable of branching beyond its simple depiction of racism, so that the finale can easily resolve all the bad blood. 

The direction relies heavily on communication through telling rather than showing in the actor’s performances because the characters really don’t have personalities. Instead the characters are used as blank slates to have problems projected onto them with no way of dealing with their situations on their own. They are written to have all their issues solved by giving themselves over to God, and presto change-o they are now completely different as a result! The filmmakers say “Take our word for it, and if you don’t believe, just look at the ending were Mac is backed into a situation were he can make no other choice except the one presented here.” There is no tension for them because they don’t feel like real people, especially when we don’t see them changed but are only told they have changed. The quality production values are really the movie’s only redeeming feature.

Final Score:

1 out of 5. Dull and Toothless.

Fright Night (1985)

Starring Chris Sarandon,William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse and Roddy McDowell

Directed by Tom Holland

Horror

Rated R: Violence, Brief Nudity

The Story:

Typical teen Charley Brewster suspects that his new neighbor may be a vampire in disguise, but no one believes him. He goes to Peter Vincent, an aging actor who once played a famous vampire killer in a series of movies for help, but he doesn't Charley either until the truth is final revealed and together Charley and Peter fight in monster in a haunted house showdown.

My Thoughts:

The first act has an absolutely terrible set up, Charley ignores the cheesy horror movie on TV as well as his girlfriend who has just admitted to being ready to “put out”, in favor of watching a coffin being moved into the house next door, which is somehow more interesting to him. We follow that up with some clunky TV News exposition at a place that looks like its supposed to be teen hangout from “Happy Days” and get to meet Ed “Evil” Thompson, Charley’s high pitched and highly annoying “friend”. Charley engages in “Rear Window” antics, monitoring his neighbor’s activities for some unknown motivation, alienating those around him with his strange superstitions.

He calls the police, when he has little to no evidence to support his theory and plays the “vampire” card way to early so that absolutely no authority figure will believe, on top of that now the vampire knows you know about him. What an idiot. By this point my sympathy is with the vampire, because he shows just how clever he is, getting an invitation into Charley's house and sneaking around when Charley least expects it. However, when he tries to kill Charley, idiot it not, it crosses the line. Maybe if Charley were more charismatic I might have latched on to him more. The setting also love to remind us that he’s a teenager with the previously mentioned 1950s teen hangout, brief reference to school and studying, and the discarded Playboy pin ups alongside crushed Coke cans (I guess crumpled tissues would have been too racy) Speaking of sex, we’re also reminded that this is a teen movie in the eighties, as twenty minutes in we get a brief shot of bare breasts as an enticement to stay for the rest of the movie, a hallmark of a pre internet age of cinema.

Speaking of the internet, the exposition is handled rather clumsily. In an internet era I can either Google, Wikipedia or TV Tropes my way for a complete list of tell tale vampire signs, weaknesses and counter measures. Well, since Charley can’t do that, he relies on “Evil” to tell him about vampires, which is strange given that we see Charley watching movies about vampires on the Fright Night TV show that we see is on his TV every night. You’d think he’d be parked on his bed with one eye on screen taking notes while keeping one eye on the window.

It is a very “Eighties” movie. The dance club scene really doesn’t belong in any other era and feels crow barred into the end of the second act. Skipping ahead, Amy is kidnapped by Count Vampire because as per the law of Immortal Monsters be it Mummies, Vampires or Ghosts, their lost love is reincarnated into the next generation and looks exactly the same. This bit is never really explained though and the two of them have a Cinemax style love scene without any actual sex but plenty of over the top synthesized music.

The third act really does pick it up for me. The best scene for me is when Peter has his showdown with Evil, who is now a werewolf. Peter falls and fains over a broken railing so that Evil can do the “run and land on the impalement” trope, but the animatronics, makeup and most of all the acting, is what sell this scene as we see Evil recognizing his final death as he shifts from werewolf back to boy, his eye show remorse for his demise and convey thanks to Peter for releasing him as he slowly crumbles away, as Peter is petrified, his eyes welling with tears. Wow. Its a scene that I really wish had been in a better movie. If this footage this been used for the conclusion of "An American Werewolf in London", I would bumped my rating there to five stars easily.

Charley and Peter make their last stand in the biggest dry ice production plant ever, by flashing crosses to ward off evil, but it has to be backed by faith, which Charley has in spades, but for some reason Peter doesn’t even though he got the cross to work on Evil before, and now in the last stand Peter when does believe and for some reason it doesn’t work. Also Amy is now a vampire with a Chelsea smile and rows of impossibly sharp teeth that are absolutely freighting (out of context they might have been comical) and they have to kill the vampire before dawn in order to save her. I never really understood how that works. It’d be like if your friend was choking on an olive, and you try and help by destroying the jar of olives that it came from rather than working to remove the offending olive itself. Either way the kill the head vampire at daybreak so I don’t really know if that counts as "before dawn". Plus that’d be a great sequel hook if Amy started showing sign of vampirism, the two of them slowly realizing it but not knowing what to do about it.

The film pays homage to its processors, namely the Hammer Horror series, but seems to revel in its clichés with a lack of genre savvyness. Its most redeemable elements are the parts rather than the whole. 

A remake is in development (no surprise), set for August 2011 and while Anton Yelcin as a teenager seems par for the course, but David Tennant as Peter Vincent makes this one a blip on my radar, an excellent actor returning as a returning action hero makes it all worth it.

"I'm going to be played by Doctor Who?"

Final Score: 

2 ½ out of 5. Tolerable. 

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (2010)

Voices of Jim Strugess, Hugo Weaving, Geoffrey Rush

Directed by Zack Snyder

Adventure/Fantasy

Rated PG

The Story:

Young owl Soren and his brother Kludd, fall out of their tree and are abducted and forced into an into an army for an evil owl empire. Managing to escape Soren and his new friends seek out the ledgendary Guardians of Ga'Hoole for aid.

My Thoughts:

I cannot talk about this movie with stressing the beautiful animation and the astonishing level of detail. Each owl looks unique and each have their own expressive faces. The trouble is that it’s a bit hard to project yourself into an animal in a fully animated world built on fantasy world rules. Its also a little hard to swallow that the Guardians shrouded in myth so that none of the common owls are sure they exist, while conversely the Guardians believe that the evil Metalbeak is a myth too. Despite this, I really do like how they don’t sugarcoat or water down the situation for kids. Theres also a  spotlight on the dark Cain and Abel plot between Soren and Kludd. They make a big deal talking about how war isn’t glamourous hero stuff and shows signs of the consequences of conflict.  Only for our pretentious hero to receive glamourous rewards after an unlikely victory on the heels of a dizzying final fight with the big bad , which was only won because our protagonist "followed his heart". 

Very fast paced, but hard to process in a hurry. Zack Snyder shows great visual skills and incredible special effects, but a rather generic fantasy story that is so speedy is hard to attach itself to, isn’t going to make much of impact in my mind in the long run, no matter how great the effects, though their groundbreaking status will add at least another point the final score.

Final Score:

3 out of 5. Exceptionally Unexceptional.