Megamind (2010)

Voices of Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, David Cross and Brad Pitt
Directed by Tom McGrath
Action/Comedy
Rated PG: Action Violence

The Story:

Megamind, the notorious blue skinned evil genius finally succeeds in defeating his archnemesis, the square jawed hero Metro Man, and now suffers an existential crisis about what to do with his life, inspiring him to create a new superhero to battle against.

My Thoughts:

Since there seems to be no diplomatic way of expressing this, I'll just say that I consider this movie to be better than “Despicable Me”. While the two films have an extremely similar story, "Megamind" is better structured.

I think the pivotal moment in reaching this decision comes at about the halfway point in both films. In “Despicable Me” Dr. Nefario, a mumbling old man who has so far been there solely for comic relief, suddenly gains lucidity in order to set up a very convenient obstacle when we really have no idea who he is in the first first. Conversely, Minion has been with Megamind since the very beginning and has been pressed with the mission to “watch out for him”, so when he thinks something is wrong with Megamind getting too involved in something outside of "The Big Plan", you can see his passion and determination in preventing it. Then followed with the loneliness when they truly are apart, making Minion’s return in the end all the stronger.

Also, this movie has an actual “world”, its built on archetypes sure, but that just shows that tropes are not bad as I can at least understand how this world works with its reversal of the classic Superman-Lois Lane-Lex Luthor dynamic. We see reactions to Megamind’s villainy, although things go back to normal after a while during his reigme this is likely due to Megamind’s pettiness being directed primarily at Metro Man and at causing mayhem. 

Getting back to judging the film on its own merits;

 I never know what to expect whenever I go into a Dreamworks Animated picture. The studio has made just as many movies that I've loved as I've hated or thought were only okay, so I didn't come into this film with high or low expectations which is something that is becoming rarer for me nowadays.

The movie starts off with the "Moments before my doom" scene were the protagonist talks about how he is about to die and then has a flashback to the proceeded events along with accompanying narration. This is starting to become a pet peeve of mine. The out of context image of a character we don't know about to die feels very exploitive and the direct narration towards the audience feels quite intrusive if not lazy. I understand that exposition is one of the most difficult challenges for a screenwriter, to have a voiceover infodump in the first third of a film only to never use or reference it again feels insulting to our intelligence.

I can't say I laughed much during the course of the movie, at best I got a handful of mild chuckles. Mispronouncing words; not funny, Code Obvivous; not funny, Obama Poster; its an overused gag now, The Marlon Brando impression; I get it, but its kind of annoying. The things that did get me going were things like Megamind and Minion wearing shower caps when neither of them have any hair, or Megamind in a giant robot suit playing with a car like a little kid. Subtle little sight gags like that, which were treated like the salt and pepper when they really should have been the bread and butter of the film.

The final battle between Megamind and the frightening homicidal man child "Tighten", is possibly the films greatest strength, causing mass destruction to the city and putting our leads in situations were we believe they could actually get hurt. There is also great back and forth use of deception with the hologram projection watch, which really engages the mind to pay strict attention. The movie ends with Megamind being proclaimed a hero by the city, for solving a problem he caused, and destroying half the city to do it. But hey, why worry about that when we can end on yet another Dreamworks Dance Number!!!

Final Score:

3 1/2 out 5. Respectable.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (2010)

Voices of Jim Strugess, Hugo Weaving, Geoffrey Rush

Directed by Zack Snyder

Adventure/Fantasy

Rated PG

The Story:

Young owl Soren and his brother Kludd, fall out of their tree and are abducted and forced into an into an army for an evil owl empire. Managing to escape Soren and his new friends seek out the ledgendary Guardians of Ga'Hoole for aid.

My Thoughts:

I cannot talk about this movie with stressing the beautiful animation and the astonishing level of detail. Each owl looks unique and each have their own expressive faces. The trouble is that it’s a bit hard to project yourself into an animal in a fully animated world built on fantasy world rules. Its also a little hard to swallow that the Guardians shrouded in myth so that none of the common owls are sure they exist, while conversely the Guardians believe that the evil Metalbeak is a myth too. Despite this, I really do like how they don’t sugarcoat or water down the situation for kids. Theres also a  spotlight on the dark Cain and Abel plot between Soren and Kludd. They make a big deal talking about how war isn’t glamourous hero stuff and shows signs of the consequences of conflict.  Only for our pretentious hero to receive glamourous rewards after an unlikely victory on the heels of a dizzying final fight with the big bad , which was only won because our protagonist "followed his heart". 

Very fast paced, but hard to process in a hurry. Zack Snyder shows great visual skills and incredible special effects, but a rather generic fantasy story that is so speedy is hard to attach itself to, isn’t going to make much of impact in my mind in the long run, no matter how great the effects, though their groundbreaking status will add at least another point the final score.

Final Score:

3 out of 5. Exceptionally Unexceptional.

Despicable Me (2010)

Voices of Steve Carrell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand
Directed by Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud
Family/ Comedy
Rated PG

Synopsis:

Super Criminal Gru, seeks to become the greatest villain of all time by stealing the moon. He concocts a rather complex plan involving adopted three orphan girls in order to steal the necessary equipment from his nemesis, Vector, who has upstaged him at every turn. However, things go awry when Gru begins to bond with his new family.

Thoughts:

Gru has a lot of Steve Carrell’s usual mannerisms his performance. While he does try to disguise it with a Hollywood foreign accent, a lot of elements he is known for come to the surface. When he talked about getting older or having to lay off some of his walking cheese puff minions, I really felt like I was watching an episode of “The Office”. This wasn’t necessary a bad thing, it was just something I found a little distracting from the actual story. I can understand that with this being Illumination Animation’s first feature film, that they tried to capitalize on as much star power as they could afford.

On the other end of the casting spectrum we have Julie Andrews as Gru’s mother who makes only a few guttural noises in her limited amount of screen time. I just couldn’t help but think what a waste of potential that was. They managed to get Mary Poppins herself to be in their children’s movie, and did absolutely nothing with her. All the while I just couldn’t help but think of how ironic it would be if instead they had cast her as the intimidating mistress who runs the orphanage. I just think it would have been fun to cast against type like that.

One of the things that are hard to understand about this movie is the setting. Our two leads, Gru and Vector are supervillains who steal landmarks Carmen Sandiego style, and are both financed by an evil bank and are part of society of bad guys. There don’t seem to be any superheroes or secret agents to oppose these threats. The people we do see react don’t really seem to do anything. This is rather unfortunate as one of the movie’s funnier moments was at the beginning when we see the nations of the world going ludicrous precautions to safeguard their landmarks. I kind of wish there had been more scenes like this.

It is a bit hard to understand this setting when there really have any “rules” laid out. There’s a bit of contrived coincidence that the plot hinges on, were Gru builds a rocketship out of scrap parts to fly to the moon, so that he can steal it with his shrink ray. It just so happens that Gru can only launch his rocket on the same day as his new daughter’s dance recital. If you can build a rocket out of spare parts and use it to fly to the moon, and zap it with a shrink ray to hold it for ransom, then I’m sure you can launch on a day when you aren’t otherwise committed. The senile Dr. Nefario, has suddenly regained lucidity to exposit this bit, delivers this plot point. I don’t understand who this guy is that he can tell Gru what to do. Isn’t it Gru’s plan after all? Besides, the good doctor didn’t speak up that we know of during any of Gru’s other failings, so why now all of the sudden? There is no reason, other than because the plot depends upon it.

The animation is excellent. I am eager to see what comes out of Illumination Animation’s following films. The plot is contrived, and the situations with the kids fairly predictable. However, it is peppered with some good comedic moments but they are rather few and far between.

Final Score:

3 out of 5. Commonplace.

Tangled (2010)

Voices of Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi, Donna Murphy
Directed by Nathan Greno and Byron Howard
Family/Fantasy
Rated PG

The road to “Tangled” has had just about as many twists and split ends as seventy feet of hair would. But for me, it is the end of a long, yet inevitable journey. The first time I heard about this movie was four years ago when I was studying for my degree in art history. While researching Eighteenth Century French Rococo paintings, I discovered an interview with Disney animator Glen Keane who was attracted to the lush romantic tone of this particular style of art and wanted to use computer animation to create the look of a moving painting.

I’ve always admired Disney Animation’s appreciation for art by referencing classic works in their movies. Whether it be Ariel admiring “Magdalene with the Smoking Flame” in “The Little Mermaid”, or homage to N.C. Wyeth’s paintings in “Treasure Planet”, or even the bizarre appearance of “American Gothic” in “Mulan”. So I made a mental note to follow the development of this feature, and it certainly took some interesting turns. After Glen Keane suffered heart conditions that forced him to distance himself from the project, it was handed off to quite a number of other people who all wanted to do something different from it. There was a phase in which is was called “Unbraided”, and tried to capitalize on the success of “Shrek”’s style of fractured fairy tales before changing hands again and again each bringing creative changes, which is usually the kiss of death for a movie. The process became a mess, but eventually, after nine years in production (three times the length of an animated feature takes to make) it was released in November as Disney’s 50^th Animated Feature Film.

The story adapts the classic fairy tale of Rapunzel. The wicked Mother Gothel kidnaps and confines Princess Rapunzel to a hidden tower, using Rapunzel’s magic hair to stay eternally young. When a criminal on the run, Flynn Rider, stumbles across Rapunzel and her tower. She begs him to take her out to see the mystetious floating lights that appear in the night sky on her birthday each year. He reluctantly agrees and from there we have the “Romantic Road Trip” story, immortalized by the movie “It Happened One Night” but probably more familiar to younger audiences as the plot for “The Princess and The Frog”.

This movie has lot more snappy physical slapstick humor mixed with a number of quick reaction cuts and pokes fun at some of the trappings of a typical Disney film such as destiny and true love. This seems more in keeping with a Dreamworks or Warner Brothers film than a Disney animated feature, though there is still a classic Disney influence. The reveal of Rapunzel’s tower reminisenct of the reveal of the castle in “Beauty and the Beast”. Rapunzel also runs through a clearing in the forest, animals attracted to sound of her voice a la “Sleeping Beauty”. Then the camera swings over head before spinning around her during the course which has been done in too many Disney movies to get an accurate count. The musical numbers are also written by Alan Menken, who songs for “Aladdin”, “The Little Mermaid”, and “Beauty and the Beast”. The film's Academy-Awarded Nominated song "I See the Light", is very reminiscent of "Aladdin"'s "A Whole New World", with our two leads on a form of transportation (a boat, a la "Kiss the Girl" from "The Little Mermaid), admiring the beautiful scenery, falling in love while performing a duet.

The visuals are strong with hearty laughs and quality moments for good family entertainment. The formula may seem a bit familiar, but it is still interesting to watch. If they had pushed certain elements of the story I think it could have been a perfect 5. But after so much time and money were invested into this project, its likely the executives pushed it into a familiar direction. With that in mind, its probably a miracle we got something as good as we did.

Final Score:

4 out of 5. Enjoyable.

Treasure Planet (2002)

Voices of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Brian Murray, David Hyde Pierce, Emma Thompson, Martin Short
Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker
Adventure/ Science Fiction
Rated PG: Action Peril
Adapted from Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

Introduction:

The last time I spoke an animated film from Walt Disney Pictures, I spoke of “The Black Cauldron”, a horrible mess filled with wasted opportunities and that was best buried by the sands of time. In order to make up for that wreck of a film, I will now review another animated Disney that has largely gone unnoticed and deserves far more attention and better recognition.

What went wrong with this movie simply boils down to marketing. It was coming off the heels of the perplexingly popular "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones" and was released a mere week before the latest installments of two other juggernaut frachises; Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. A film like this with such an eye-rolling premise didn’t stand a chance. The movie caved under the competition and the low income was deemed responsible for the eventually shutting down of Disney’s hand drawn animation studios. So when Disney was looking to revive the medium with “The Princess and the Frog”, they got these two directors again. Wait what? Well, actually it does make such given how Ron Clements and John Musker were responsible for the animation renaissance, making movies like “The Little Mermaid” and “Aladdin”, the later of which we shall see a substantial influence especially with the rebellious orphan male hero with his sidekicks, flying around an exploding cave of gold on his flying board.

Summary:

The film shares the same writers as the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies and continues the blend of maritime action and humor, particular when it comes to the characters. Jim Hawkins (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, once again playing a teenager from outer space) is portrayed as moody teen with a lot of potential but no direction. He is taken under the wing of a rough old cyborg sailor named John Silver (Brian Murray), who teaches him the ropes, even giving him “The Destiny Speech”. (Unlike “Astro Boy”, the word “destiny” is never used in the speech, and is used to effectively guide Jim out of his funk and spark a change in his character for the better. Also the corniness of the trope is referenced by another character.) Doctor Delbert Doppler (David Hyde Pierce), is our primary comic relief, frequently stumbleing over his tongue, especially in the presence of the beautiful, yet stern Captain Amelia (Emma Thompson). The two remaining characters of note are the two “Disney sidekick” characters intended to become breakout stars and help sell toys; the shape shifting Morph, and the bipolar robot B.E.N. (Martin Short) These two are feel reminiscent of the various sidekicks from “Aladdin”. Morph’s faux-English and ability to fall into trouble is much like that of Abu, while B.E.N. spontaneous outbursts feel like leftovers from The Genie, and may have been less irritating had they come from the mouth of Robin Williams. Together, they’re off in search of riches and adventure IN SPACE!!!!

Analysis:

The surrogate father-son relationship between Jim and Silver is at the forefront of the film and is easily its strongest part, and reminds me of why this makes for a better adaptation than say “Muppet Treasure Island”, where there is a similar mix of the classic story with various anachronisms and several strange creatures. In that film, the relationship between Jim and Silver was mismatched by the child actors low key performance and Tim Curry as Silver being his usual over-the-top self, so that they only thing left to focus on is the weirdos in the background. Here the weirdos in the background serve as flavoring for the story and help establish the world they inhabit.

The setting of “Treasure Planet” is a rather unique one. The film employs and mixture of both traditional hand drawn animation and three dimensional computer animation. Anything made of skin or having an organic feel is done traditionally, while anything mechanical is rendered by computer animation. This creates an incredibly interesting effect on John Silver, who is half man and half machine. The environment of the film seems to have taken this same approach, mixing the book’s original setting during the Second Industrial Revolution with more contemporary science fiction, effectively combining Steam Punk with Cyber Punk creating what I shall dub as “Solar Punk”. The look of the film borrows heavily from the style of artist, N.C. Wyeth who illustrated the original “Treasure Island”. As an illustrator myself, this is going to gain it some extra points in my book. This also makes for serving some engaging sight gags to further one of the film’s themes that “Not everything is what it seems”, such as moments we see what appear to be quaint wooden building, only to get closer and see that they are made out of rivets and gears. Despite being close to a decade old, the computer animatied portions still hold up well, and being a Disney film, the traditional animation is second to none

Action Packed, Astoundingly Animated, Humorous, and ultimately moving (Kudos to the music by James Newton Howard) This one is a winner.

Final Score:

4 out of 5. Highly Recommended.

Castle in the Sky (1986)

Voices of James Van Der Beek, Anna Paquin, Mark Hamill, Cloris Leachman

Directed by Hayao Miyazaki

Fantasy/ Adventure

Rated PG: Perilous Situations

The film opens with sky pirates attacking an airship, attempting to capture a girl named Sheeta (Anna Paquin) and her pendant, but she accidentally falls out of the ship, fortunately her pendant starts glowly and floats her to safety. This is a rather confusing opening actually as we don't learn who Sheeta is, why she was on the airship, what the pendant is or why the pirates were after it until much later. I imagine this is supposed to generate suspense, but it's rather confusing as I have no idea who this girl is or why I should care about her, even if she is working some kind of mystic mojo with her magic necklace.

We're given proper introductions when Sheeta is caught in her float from above by a miner boy named Pazu (James Van Der Beek), who provides us with his own back story about continuing his father's quest for Laputa, the castle in the sky. There isn't much time to dwell on this exposition though, as the pirates come back to settle the score leading to one of the most exciting chase scenes I think I've seen in any movie. This culminates with our two heroes being captured by the army, revealing that they are also looking for Laputa and its great power, aided in their quest by the sinister Muska (Mark Hamill) We also learn that Sheeta is an heir to the throne of Laputa and her pendant can lead them it.

With the help of the pirates, Pazu is able to free Sheeta and they race to reach Laputa first. We spend most of our time from here on out with these sky scoundrels who as it turns out have hearts of gold and serve as effective comic relief with their larger than life personalities, particularly that of their boisterous leader, Dola (Cloris Leachman)

Eventually they find the castle in the sky and both the characters and the audience are stunned by it's serene beauty. While the visuals have been impressive, the animation in the third act is simply mesmerizing. There is a dramatic confrontation in the end, were Muska arrives and reveals himself as another heir to the throne, and plans the seize power for himself, betraying his soldiers and casting them to their deaths. A cold move, but it shows just how effective a villain Mark Hamill can play. Fortunately our heroes manage to save the day using a plot device that we introduced shortly before they arrived here, so it feels like a little bit of cheat resolution, but is made up for by one last scene reuniting with the pirates before literally flying away.

Unlike some of Miyazaki's other films that I saw prior to this one such as "Kiki's Delivery Service" or "Porco Rosso", this one actually has something of a plot . To to his credit though, Miyazaki does often find a way to make these films work even without a plot, miraculously enough. Like all of his movies, the characters are very enduring and likable, easily outshining the situations they are placed into. The backstory of both Laputa and our antagonist is rather rough, and I am still a bit in the dark about Sheeta and Muska's connection to the castle. How are they both heirs to Laputa when we see that the place is abandoned? The animation is top notch and the score is nothing to ignore. A few plot holes aside it is still a genuinely entertaining film.

Final Score:

4 out of 5. Well Done.

Astro Boy (2009)

Voices of Freddie Highmore, Nicolas Cage, Kristen Bell, Samuel L. Jackson, Bill Nighy, Donald Sutherland, Nathan Lane

Directed by David Bowers

Science Fiction/Family

Rated PG: Action Violence.

The film opens with some weird tunnel effect were we see all the names of actors roped into doing voices for this movie, many of whom are just here for the sake of having their names recognized by the adults in the audience, as recognizing them in the movie isn't always easy, with the exception of Nicholas Cage whose voice is the most discernible, and yet is the only one saddled with his character's name in the titles.

From there we see the futuristic flying land mass of Metro City and our protagonist Toby (Freddie Highmore) and his distant father, the robotics genius Dr. Tenma, who is voiced by Nicolas Cage, in what I believe to be the most subdued performance of his career. Maybe its because he isn't used to doing voice acting, but it really sounds like he just read the lines and then left the recording studio. I guess this is how you would describe, “phoning it in.”

Toby sneaks into a labrotory to watch a demonstration a robot his father is working on for the military, but is killed during a test by the robot's live ammo. Apparently weapons testing in movies are never done with rubber bullets or fail safes. Its also curious how Toby actually is vaporized by the robot and I’m left wondering; “Wait, where’d he go?” We just get his hat on the ground and Dr. Tenma saying “He’s gone”, because I guess you can't say "dead" is a children's movie (which is strange given how they say “kill” twice by the end). If it were up to me, I’d put his limp arm in a pile of debris, so we can at least have some sort of visual cue to help us “make the connection” that I’ve mentioned previously in my reviews of “The Fly” and “The Wolf Man”, which essentially boils down to “Show, Don’t Tell”.

During this test we’re introduced to our antagonist President Stone (Donald Sutherland), He is a dim-witted warmonger obsessed with re-election, building bigger and deadlier weapons for a non-existent arms race with a campaign slogan, “We don’t need change.” Subtle. I can understand what they’re going for with a pastiche of George W. Bush traits, but it just feels a bit tasteless. Fortunately Donald Sutherland plays him sinister rather than campy, which would have wrecked any threat he posed entirely.

Now we get to the most interesting part which as Dr. Tenma builds a robot duplicate of Toby powered by "The Blue Core", which runs on positive energy and programs in all of Toby's memories but is disappointed that the robot isn’t exactly like his dead son and Toby slowly discovers the truth about what he is. There is a great scene where he discovers of his jet boots and a fast flight sequence with some great visual gags along the way. Tenma can’t bring himself to accept this replacement and shoes Toby away. I feel like some anger may have been appropriate here, but Nick Cage can barely raise his voice throughout the entire film. His friend, Dr. Elefun (Bill Nighy) gives a speech about “finding your destiny”, which has lead me to the conclusion that “destiny” is the most overused word in cinema.

Toby is soon confronted with Stone’s infantry, who want the Blue Core for their military robots, which it involves some cool action scenes, it also has more than a fair share of head scratching moments such as the faceless infantry having computer readouts on their helmets that reveal their their emotions and bowel movements (?), or when Toby saves the life of a falling soldier who, after being rescued jumps off a building (?) or when President Stone orders a giant intimidating ship to shoot Toby down, the ship is hidden by the framing for the shot so that we can’t see it’s full size and appreciate how threatening it is.

Anyway Toby is shot down off the flying island and into the trash heaps on the surface like something out of "WALL-E". He meets with up with a group of other kids lead by the punky pseudo love interest Cora, (Kristen Bell) and their surrogate father Hamegg (Nathan Lane), who is essentially just an animated version of Nathan Lane himself. The film really starts to dip here as the humor also starts to become more and more juvenile. Toby bonds with the kids, but keeps the fact that he’s a robot a secret because he wants them to “warm up to him”, because continuing to lie to them will endure them to you.

The writing gets really sloppy here as we are introduced to Isaac Asimov's famed Three Laws of Robotics, of which we only learn one, the others are just skimmed over, which is odd given how it’s mentioned quite at least three times after this. It seems that everyone in the audience is expected to know what they are without being explained, and I don't know how many kids are familiar with the concept. It's also frustrating how these laws are mentioned so many times but serve little to no function in the plot, so why bother even bringing it up? Toby also acquires the name “Astro”, because… because we need to tie it back into the name of the source material somehow. Eventually, Hamegg reveals to the others that Toby is a robot and forces him to fight in the robot gladiator games, only to be saved by a robot Toby revived with his Blue Core earlier named Zog (Samuel L Jackson). Being powered by the Blue Core, which represents all that is good and positive, Zog attempts to kill Hamegg in cold blood and would have succeeded had it not been for Toby intervening. What's up with that?

Anyway, we reach the climax as Toby is captured by Stone, Tenma reveals that he loves him, theres more talk of “destiny” and Toby has a fight with Stone's giant robot. The surface kids also tell Toby they love him and together we we all learn a lesson about accepting people the way they are right before Toby flys off to launch an unprovoked attack with a giant squid that fell from space. Wait What?!

I'm not too familiar with Japanese Manga that serves as the source material so I will judge it based solely on it's own merits. While the first third of the film shows some promise with an interesting premise and a few funny gags, the following acts slowly decline. The animation as a whole is alright, but there's nothing really wow-inducing. While there are some great action set pieces throughout, its not enough to cover up the plot holes.

Final Score:

2 1/2 out of 5. Nothing Special.

Beowulf (2007)

"Starring" Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright-Penn, Crispin Glover, Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Action / Fantasy

Rated PG-13: Violent Action Sequences, Frightening Images, Some Sensuality

In case you don't know, this movie was filmed with motion capture performance, which can render some highly realistic material, but can also make simple actions look rather unnatural. This uncanny valley effect is evident from the start. Of course, it generally isn't a good idea to start off a movie by focusing on a fat, naked old drunkard King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) having a frat party with his subjects in a mead hall. The monstrous Grendel (Crispin Glover) soon attacks the mead hall and manages to outdo the naked guy for repulsiveness as he is depicted as a ten-foot tall zombie who likes to cut himself, as we are shown in gruesome detail, which is only offset by his cartoonish “Popeye” jaw.

"I yam what I yam."

Grendel's introduction is done in the dark with a blue flame producing a strange strobe light that causes the camera to shot things in slow motion bullet time, sort of like The Matrix Reloaded meets 300. Shortly afterward we meet Beowulf (Ray Winstone) and its rather obvious that the crew spent the most of their time and money on rendering him as well as Grendel’s mother, as they are the two that look the least mechanical. Embarassingly Beowulf’s goatee is only bit of facial hair that doesn’t look like it was borrowed from Spongebob Squarepants' Patchy the Pirate. There are lot of effects like spears and arrows that are pointed at the viewer for 3D effect, but seem quite distracting on a 2D screen. Beowulf and Hrothgar talk about killing the monster and the weakness of a dragon is discussed to set up the climax later on as well as to set up that Beowulf has a thing for Hrothgar's wife, Wealthow (Robin Wright-Penn) Beowulf manages to defeat Grendel in Austin Power's favorite game of "hide the sausage", which leads Beowulf up to the mountains to hunt and slay Grendel's mother (Angelina Jolie)

This sets up Angelina's much promoted nude scene, which is something of a gross exaggeration, since she isn't naked, but covered in form fitting golden goo. This is supposed to be titalating, but I must say that didn’t impact me. Not because of Angelina’s CG patootie, but was puzzled by why she would wear stilettos in a cave. Not to mention the odd scene were she circles around Beowulf like shes on some sort of turntable and tries to seduce Beowulf into given her a son in exchange for making him a indestructible king.

Now I haven’t read the epic poem that this movie is "based" on, but it seems to me like they’re trying to make him more of a tragic hero by adding this “Faust” element, but I’m not buying it. King Lardtub was father to Grendel and now Beowulf is made king and becomes father to another monster, so it seems that no one ever learns from their mistakes. Beowulf doesn’t seem to show much in the way of regret or concern for his past, especially after he takes Wealthow for his own wife and later a mistress when he learns he cannot have heirs as a result of sleeping with Grendel's mother.

I'm awakened from my stupor by a cool action scene in the end with Beowulf fighting a dragon. This fight scene uses the CG technology to its fullest and is easily the best part of the movie, but ends on a sour note when Beowulf dies defeating the creature (who is really his son) and it is implied that Beowulf’s friend may be next in line for fathering another monster, so what’s the whole point?

It seems the intent of this movie was to make animation appealing for an older, more mature audience. Unfortunately, they did so my trying to appeal to adrenaline starved, hormonal teenagers and frat boys who would likely laugh it up at the film's rather crass sense of humor and be easily amused by the film's animation. The final rendering can look breathtaking for a few seconds, especially in establishing shots, but only for a second as the realism fades away shortly as a result of the Uncanny Valley effect. The background figures either look corse-like or like the actor's face was plastered on to an extra left over from "Shrek". While the climax is exciting, theres just too much junk to wade through to get to anything remotely satisfying.

Final Score:

Two out of Five. The pixelited equivalent of a stale candy bar.

The Black Cauldron (1985)

Voices of Grant Bardsley, Susan Sheridan, John Hurt, John Byner
Directed by Ted Berman and Richard Rich
Fantasy
Rated PG: Some Frightening Images
Based on The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander

The film opens and introduces us to a farm boy named Taran who fantasizing about being a great warrior despite being a pretty lousy at his current job as an assistant pig-keeper for his master Dallben. In fact, most of the Taran's troubles stem from his daydreaming which prevents him from focusing on this appointed task. I wonder if this kid has ever heard that phrase, “He who is faithful with the small things will be faithful in the big things”. I can understand him wanting to rise above his lowly position, but its hard to have sympathy when he keeps screwing up something so simple. However, he does get the call to adventure when he learns that the evil Horned King (John Hurt) has returned and he wants Taran's pig Hen Wen, who can see into the future. After escaping to farm to get Hen Wen to safety, he quickly loses her. Way to go idiot. At least he is humbled by this experiences, which alone makes him more enduring than that whiny brat from "Eragon" (which sounds a lot like “Arrogant” now that I think about it) Taran goes off to rescue her, and encounters a few people along the way. The first is the furry Gurgi (John Byner), we looks very much like a very hairy dog, and is likely meant to be cutesy marketable or comic relief in the typical “Disney sidekick” fashion. Thankfully his role is small and he doesn’t reach anywhere near Jar Jar Binks level of annoyance, but he gets very close. His cowardice doesn't make him very enticing to the audience either. Taran tracks Hen Wen down to a miniature version of Mordor which is apparently within walking distance and gets bullied about by some guards at a castle and is thrown into prison.

Taran is eventually recused from his captivity by Princess Eilonwy (Susan Sheridan), who is also there in this castle and can make her way about freely for reasons that are never explained. This is the part of the movie where I realize that it is best not to ask questions, because her appearance got me to thinking about a few things. First, if she’s a princess, does that mean that there are other royals?, a kingdom with an army of mounted men perhaps? Does this land they’re in even have a name? It also doesn't help matters that she is constantly referred to as "Princess", making it easy to forget her mouthful of a name. That's another thing, Eilonwy doesn't do anything "Princess-y". I suspect its just there because this is a fantasy movie, and fantasy movies have princesses, because if she were just an average girl who actually did something, there is no way people would accept it, right? The two also free a middle-aged minstrel named Fflam from the prison and he escapes with the two, but other than that, he serves no real purpose. In the original books (which I can just scarcely remember reading at a young age) Fflam's gimmick was that his harp's strings break whenever he lies. While his harp and breaking strings are present, they are never explained, and his harp disappears halfway through the film anyway.

In the end we see the Horned King uses titular black cauldron to resurrect at least six of the skeleton soldiers from "Jason and the Argonauts". Hardly what I'd call a formidable force, even if they are “indestructible” as we are told. Our heroes bargain for the chance to destroy the cauldron by exchanging the magic sword they found on their travels with a trio of witches. Yeah, because you want to give such a powerful artifact over to witches. Not to mention that it seems to me that you could probably destroy the magic cauldron with a magic sword. But then again, all the seems to make to sword magical, is that it sparkles when it cuts through things. But it turns out that the cauldron can only be destroyed by someone willingly going into it and never returning. Gurgi chooses to go but since he wasn’t a very distinct or likeable character in the first place there is no sense of loss, and when the Horned King's army is defeat, the witches bring Gurgi back to life anyway, which is a serious dramatic contradiction. The only thing that could have been worse is if someone had divided by zero. Also, Taran and Eilonwy kiss and the forest animals blush. I guess they are made for each in that they are both have no real personality. Oh, and Hen Wen the pig went back home to Dallben, and has apparently been there all this time. I'm sure you were all concerned.

While the animation quality is excellent, that comes standard with the Walt Disney Company, by the end there is nothing that is really visually distinct here for you to remember. Characters are introduced with nothing to make them unique, useful or interesting. Arguably Fflam could have been cut out with no great effect, it certainly would have given Taran and Eilonwy more time to connect and develop as characters, with Gurgi acting as moderator perhaps. Ultimately, its most damning flaw is that there is no sense of scale or risk. It is honestly like watching “Lord of the Rings” set in a suburban backyard. We are told there is great danger if the Horned King is able to raise his armies from the Black Cauldron, but we are never really told what the consequences will be if this happens, or what is at stake if our heroes do not succeed in destroying the black cauldron. If there is nothing at risk, then why should the audience care?

Final Score:

Two out of Five. Forgettable.